I wrote this a while back and just rediscovered it. A much different read now as opposed to then.
I want to dance to the madness by which the world was set spinning
I want to hang myself up in the closet of the almighty
Still, emptiness echoes where hearts should beat
And His disenchanting embrace outlasts Him
I can think and I can guess; I can wonder or pretend,
But I’m belied if understood, as my scheming thoughts intend
My starved, withered mind begs for apprehension
In frantic heat it lies, blistering in the desert of its own conviction
Could it be heavenly to doubt if there is such a place at all?
And what is he that speaks me an answer, here?
Why should truth and consolation be ever thus opposed?
Each the devil of the other, forever they transpose…
Now, all joy is for pain, and all faith for doubt’s seducing lips
Though we are wed before a slip of life escapes them
I have not peace nor hope enough to take this bride to bed
No god could keep the promises of my wilding fantasy
Stark hearts long for knowing, though they are spent on grieving
Why must it always be that seeing kills my believing?